Mrs. Oliver Harriman's Book of Etiquette: 4

Because you can never have too much wisdom from 1942. (See all of the tips from Mrs. Oliver Harriman here.)

Yachting

• Naturally, no one ever dresses formally on board a yacht. That would defeat the purpose of the holiday.
(Naturally.)

• If you are to be a week-end guest, here are some of the extras you will need: hair ribbons, big sports handkerchiefs, plenty of sweaters, sun glasses, warm dressing gown.
(I don't know if I have enough hair ribbons to be a week-end guest. Damn.)

• If you don't know the right name of a sail, call it anything and the skipper will correct you.
(Anything?)

On Being a Good Neighbor

• Moving to a strange community is not easy. While the man of the family continues to meet people through his business, the wife is left at home at the mercy of her neighbors.
(That's been exactly my experience.)

• If you arrive at your neigbor's when she is obviously busy, have the grace to make a speedy exit. "I'll be back later," you may tell her, or "I've just come to borrow some nutmeg."
(I think it would be cool if "I've just come to borrow some nutmeg" became the standard thing to say to get yourself out of an awkward situation. I'm going to spearhead that movement.)

• We should never entrust the family skeleton to our neighbors unless we want it exhibited on the back fence.
(Word, Mrs. Oliver Harriman. Word.)

Suggested menu for, assuming you live in a port town, giving a party for the men of a visiting battleship:

• Virginia baked ham (cold)


• Creamed chicken (hot)


• Mexican baked beans (hot)


• Potato salad


• Tomato aspic (chilled)


• Home-made hot parker house rolls, buttered


• Home-made vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce


• Home-made coconut layer cake


• Large cups of coffee

(Because you're totally going to make the vanilla ice cream and parker house rolls from scratch. And those Navy boys don't get to choose whether or not to butter their rolls, damn it! Also, how are we supposed to know whether to serve the potato salad, vanilla ice cream, and layer cake hot or cold?)

Mrs. Oliver Harriman's Book of Etiquette: 3

Another etiquette lesson from 1942!

Travel tips:

• In planning any trip, your first concern, of course, is luggage. If you can pack all your belongings in suitcases without resorting to a trunk, for goodness' sake do so.
  
• Before you start out on a trip, as well as while en route, forego the pleasure of eating raw onions or limburger cheese.
  
• After leaving port, don't entertain members of the opposite sex in your cabin.
  
• Unless you know exactly what you want to eat, have a waiter come to your room with a menu. It's perfectly proper to receive him in pajamas or a negligee.

The Proper Clothes for Women:

• "You may have the greatest product on the market, but if it's not attractively packaged it won't sell." That certainly goes for you and me as well as for that box of soap flakes on the grocery counter.
  
• Nothing is uglier or more ludicrous than a somewhat portly female clad in pajamas.
  
• I personally do not like to see rough tweed skirts and Brooks sweaters in the city. Nor do I care for washable pastels or white shoes in town in the summer.
  
• Remember, shorts and tennis dresses should be worn only on the tennis court, never on the golf course.

Questions and Answers:

• After eating a half of grapefruit with a spoon, is it permissible to squeeze the last bit of juice into the spoon by picking up the grapefruit in one's hand?
  No. Forego the remaining juice. You must never pick up the grapefruit.
  
• Do women servants ever wait on table at a formal dinner?
  No, formal service requires men.
  
• Is it in good taste to admire objects in a friend's house?
  Of course. Naturally, if you dislike them, you will say nothing.
  
• Should a mother put colored nail polish on the nails of her little girl?
  No. This would be very bad taste.
  
• When playing mixed doubles, who takes charge of the balls?
  The man supplies himself and his partner with balls.

Mrs. Oliver Harriman's Book of Etiquette: 2

Time for another lesson from the high society women of 1942! As promised, starting with
Chapter 39: The Servant in the House

• To begin with, the maximum number of working hours for any servant is twelve.
  
• The customary time off is one afternoon and evening a week and every other Sunday afternoon and evening. But other arrangements can be worked out which are equally satisfactory. A Filipino servant, for instance, whose bachelor employer is seldom at home, may be given no specific days off. His work is light and he already has free time.
  
• It seems almost unnecessary to say that servants' rooms should be clean and attractive and their meals well planned and plentiful, yet many employers are guilty on this score. Several agencies have told me that many servants leave a job because there is not enough food. Apparently we don't all realize that adequate nourishment is essential to those who do housework.
  [Wait, so do the servants have to be walked regularly too?]
  

Now, on to Chapter 40: Lady's Maid

• A lady's maid is entirely responsible for your wardrobe
  
• A lady's maid is never supposed to do anything about the house. Her only concern is the madam and her wardrobe. Too many people expect one servant to do the work of three today.
  
• My maid crossed the ocean with me twenty-nine times. Like all competent lady's maids, she bought the tickets, took care of the baggage, and arranged for the hotel accommodations.
  [Okay, maybe I want a lady's maid.]
  

And finally ... get ready ... Chapter 41: If You Have No Servant

• If you have no servant, entertaining need not be a burden. Instead, make it a gay adventure. Treat it as you did when you played house as a child.
  
• The hostess without servants must, above all, have a sense of humor. She should never appear to take herself or her party too seriously. If she laughs when the biscuits burn, her guests will feel at ease. Afterward they'll remark, "It's always so much fun at Natalie's. She's such a good sport."
  [Hot damn! Condescend much? And finally:]
  
• We don't realize that a home systematically run is as important to our social life as knowledge of good manners. Homemaking is not some mysterious gift bestowed on certain individuals. Fundamentally, every woman has the instinct for is. Like childbearing, whether she admits it or not, it is part of her very being.
  

I feel so much wiser.

Mrs. Oliver Harriman's Book of Etiquette

The non-taping of Veronica Mars was redeemed on Saturday night, when I watched the rerun of the episode. Everyone can stop holding their breath now. If I may, I would like to request more Francis Capra in the next new episode. Thanks!

On to Mrs. Oliver Harriman's Book of Etiquette. It was an early birthday present from P&M, who couldn't wait if it killed them, and it is fantastic. It's got everything an upstanding gentleman or lady of 1942 should know to smoothly sail through high society. The book jacket itself is charmingly tattered, and the back cover has ads for other books that cost as much as $2.95!! (That was for a rhyming dictionary.) Anyway, every so often I'll probably share some wisdom from Mrs. Oliver Harriman. No need to thank me; just using these tips in your everyday life will make the world a better place for all.

From Appendix C : Do's and Don'ts

• Don't glare at a man who doesn't give you a seat on the subway just because you're a woman. He may be more tired than you.
  
• Do remember, if you are a woman, that it is your duty to make the first move to leave when you and your best beau are with friends. He'll be stuck all night unless you give the go sign.
  
• Don't protest once your wife has signaled that it is time to leave. Accept her decision gracefully. Argue later in private.
  
• Do sit with your knees together and your legs slanted in slightly to the left. This is the most graceful and well-bred position a woman can assume when she is seated.
  
• Don't chew gum in public. Personally, I do not care for gum at any time.
  
• Do speak in low tones wherever you are. A loud voice is bad form at all times.
  

Next time: dealing with your servants.