Mrs. Oliver Harriman's Book of Etiquette: 4

Because you can never have too much wisdom from 1942. (See all of the tips from Mrs. Oliver Harriman here.)

Yachting

• Naturally, no one ever dresses formally on board a yacht. That would defeat the purpose of the holiday.
(Naturally.)

• If you are to be a week-end guest, here are some of the extras you will need: hair ribbons, big sports handkerchiefs, plenty of sweaters, sun glasses, warm dressing gown.
(I don't know if I have enough hair ribbons to be a week-end guest. Damn.)

• If you don't know the right name of a sail, call it anything and the skipper will correct you.
(Anything?)

On Being a Good Neighbor

• Moving to a strange community is not easy. While the man of the family continues to meet people through his business, the wife is left at home at the mercy of her neighbors.
(That's been exactly my experience.)

• If you arrive at your neigbor's when she is obviously busy, have the grace to make a speedy exit. "I'll be back later," you may tell her, or "I've just come to borrow some nutmeg."
(I think it would be cool if "I've just come to borrow some nutmeg" became the standard thing to say to get yourself out of an awkward situation. I'm going to spearhead that movement.)

• We should never entrust the family skeleton to our neighbors unless we want it exhibited on the back fence.
(Word, Mrs. Oliver Harriman. Word.)

Suggested menu for, assuming you live in a port town, giving a party for the men of a visiting battleship:

• Virginia baked ham (cold)


• Creamed chicken (hot)


• Mexican baked beans (hot)


• Potato salad


• Tomato aspic (chilled)


• Home-made hot parker house rolls, buttered


• Home-made vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce


• Home-made coconut layer cake


• Large cups of coffee

(Because you're totally going to make the vanilla ice cream and parker house rolls from scratch. And those Navy boys don't get to choose whether or not to butter their rolls, damn it! Also, how are we supposed to know whether to serve the potato salad, vanilla ice cream, and layer cake hot or cold?)

Thought for the evening

A vanity is kind of an awesome thing to call a piece of furniture. It's like calling a dining room table a gluttony.


I leave you with a picture of a dog eating corn.

Hey, where did you get that cool record cabinet?

What, this one? I made it, thanks for asking!

In case you couldn't tell from that setup, I'm extremely pleased with the new housing for my record collection. (This is replacing a cardboard box.) I didn't build it completely from scratch, but I recognized its potential. I was down the Basement o' Wonders during my last trip to Kenosha and happened to notice this dusty, cobwebby wooden case in a corner of the workshop area with some tools strewn on top. My eyes had probably slid over it a million times over the years, but this time they stopped. It looked like it might be just the right size for LPs, so I tried it out. Unfortunately, the case originally had a front panel of wood at the bottom matching the one at the top. The opening wasn't quite big enough to fit a record inside. Undeterred, I located a screwdriver and removed the bottom panel. Voila! Perfect size. This weekend I cleaned the cabinet, obtained some black spray paint, taped the handle and screws, positioned a plastic adapter thingy for 45s on the top for a stencil effect, and sprayed away. This is the result. Total cost? $3.29 for the paint. Nice. Incidentally, I have no idea what it originally was. The top says Bell System.

This weekend was also the weekend of the last Harry Potter book. I'm about 250 pages from the end, and plan to finish tonight. I'm proud to say that despite functioning more or less as a normal human being this weekend, I have managed to completely avoid being spoiled for anything in the book. Well, I think so anyway. I guess someone could still call me or text message me before I finish and blurt out some juicy surprise. It would be a shame that it would be one of their last actions on earth, but there you go. At any rate, I'm enjoying the fuck out of this book (to use the terminology of erudite literary analysts.) I'll be really sorry when it's finished, but I think I've done a good job dragging it out this long. My Potter reading has taken place each of the past two evenings from about 12:30 a.m. until 3:30 a.m. I refuse to be disturbed or distracted while reading it, so that's pretty much the only time that works. Tonight I'm going to start earlier, so as not to be dead for work tomorrow. We'll see how that goes.

I interview ... Heidi

And it's horribly, horribly out of date!

According to the rules I established here, five questions for Heidi follow. The American Idol question really shows how old this is. Ouch. I'll try to be more timely next time.

Name: Heidi
Location: Kenosha
Age: 27
Interview date: 4/3/07

1. What is the most satisfying thing you've done today?

Wow, today?…let’s see. Well, today bit the big one at work. To use my favorite words from Office Space, I will just say that I was working with a bunch of “no talent ass-clowns.” You know, those who put off their work until it’s a massive mountain of unattainable mess? Yeah, thanks for that, cause the boss came in and assigned ME to help fix it. HELLO FRUSTRATION! Therefore, my answer would be that the most satisfying thing I did today was when I took lunch 2 hrs late, went home and watched 24 on dvd. :) Nice.

2. Name a place you've never been, but you'd like to visit. Why?

Scotland. I’ve dreamed of traveling to Scotland ever since the first time I saw BraveHeart. I just think it’s a beautiful country, and their accent is my favorite. And who knows, maybe I’ll find my husband there! Lol. A little bonus is that my brother spent some money on a Family Heritage company, years ago. They go in-depth and research your family tree. My last name actually came from a clan of Scots that were under the protection of Robert the Bruce himself!! YESsssssssss!

You're an avid American Idol watcher. Who do you think will go all the way this season?

I LIVE AMERICAN IDOL. Not that this season is particularly amazing though. I run an American Idol Pool and I’m a participant in one that’s based in California. So yes, I’m a crazy fan. I think we’ll see Melinda and Blake in the finals. Personally, I want Blake to win. The boy is HOT!

4. If you have children someday, will you get them a sandbox for the backyard? Consider pros and cons.

What a great question. I never really thought about it. But, after weighing the pros and cons, I’d say no. I never had one growing up, and I turned out fine. I think my mom (whether true or not) convinced me that they were dirty because neighborhood cats would use them as a giant litter box.

5. Can you please compose a limerick with a theme of your choosing, and type it below?

Rat-a-ta- tat
Sally was hit in the face with a bat
Tony did it
Kill him dead
Rat-a-tat- tat

Wow – that just came to me. It truly was amazing wasn’t it? It reminds me of the REAL Mother Goose stuff. If you read her stuff now that you’re all grown up, most of it is really violent. I think the bonus feature of my limerick is that it begins with a sort of drum beat “Rat-a-tat- tat”. Later, in closing, the phrase “Rat-a-tat-tat” is used again. Is this a similar drumbeat, or the sound of a semi-automatic gun? That decision is left strictly up the reader.

Where would you go?

It's probably not news to anybody that I love to travel, and try to do so frequently. I've been lucky enough to visit some fascinating places over the past seven years or so, both in this country and outside of it. Soon, however, if all goes according to plan, I'll have a unique opportunity to get to know a new place - or places - for the first time.

If you had a month to spend in any country or combination of countries, anywhere in the world, where would you go? For me it needs to be somewhere I've never been, but obviously I'm looking for input about countries where other people have been. Money is a consideration, but I have a pretty generous budget to work with. I'm also interested in opportunities to work with a charity abroad.

I've already received suggestions ranging from France to South Africa, but I want to get as many recommendations as possible. Do you know how many countries there are in this world that I haven't visited? A whole lot.

(By the way, I get to bring a guest.)

What I did on my summer vacation

Well, what I did on one of my summer vacations. I'm not finished with this summer yet. Here is a handy bulleted list of some trip highlights and accompanying photos:

• Saw a great Wilco show at the Warsaw in Brooklyn. To pick one show of those I've seen recently, this was probably my favorite. The Warsaw is small, locally owned, and oozes quirky charm - from the paintings on either side of the stage to the pierogies and blintzes for sale in the back. The crowd was loudly enthusiastic, and the band trotted out a handful of rarer songs that were truly a treat. One was even an all-time first for me - and when you've seen as many Wilco concerts as I have over the years, that's really saying something. I don't expect the band to change things up too much from show to show - I could happily watch the three-guitar interplay in "Impossible Germany" or Nels and Jeff facing off at the end of "Handshake Drugs" or Glenn going crazy on the drums during "Via Chicago" a hundred times. If that weren't true, I wouldn't go. But unexpected songs thrown into the mix can really make an evening. In any case, seeing the same band play multiple shows on a given tour, one becomes a connoisseur of nuances. To those familiar with my love of detail, it should be no surprise that I take great pleasure in this. At the Warsaw, I enjoyed the following: the loud singalong during "Either Way" that made Jeff grin in appreciation, the guitar duel at the end of "Hoodoo Voodoo," singing "Happy Birthday" to Matrix, Jeff pretending he wasn't going to run at the end of "Hummingbird," Glenn wearing a rhinestone bling $ necklace and saluting the macrame owl, and pogoing with the rest of the crew in front during "Outtasite."
  
  
• Went to the best museum ever, in Shelburne, Vermont. It's a museum of Americana comprising many historical buildings (the round barn, an old general store, a lighthouse), collections (paintings, sleighs, chandeliers, Shaker furniture) and random things that are awesome (an opulent train car, a carousel, the steamship Ticonderoga.) All of these are located among little roads and paths on the picturesque museum grounds, and all are open for exploration and in many cases interaction. Really great stuff. I would have died if I'd visited this place as a kid. (Consider that Allison and I once tried to recreate a general store in my basement after a school field trip to the Historical Society. I think I still have some wooden candies we made to put in a jar.)
  
  
• Drove twice in NYC - only after 2:00 a.m., but it still counts! I also drove in Massachusetts, New Hampshire, and Connecticut. Given the scale of New England, that's not as impressive as it sounds.
  
  
• Spent a couple of obscenely hot and humid days in Boston, walking the previously discussed Freedom Trail, eating at the oldest continuously-operating restaurant in the U.S., wandering around Harvard, seeing a concert, and hanging out with Dave and friends at the B-Side Lounge.
  
  
• Stayed at hotels only twice over nine nights, due to the fabulous and generous Mart, Patti, Paul, and Kelly. Mart and Patti went way above and beyond the call of duty, plying us with Ralph's Italian Ices and Mendoker's donuts during our brief sojourn.
  
  
• Learned to imitate the hoot of the barred owl at the zoo in Florence, MA. Well, to be completely honest, nobody ever verified that Sooz and I were doing it correctly. But we sound so damned owl-like, y'all don't even know.
  
  
• Ate some delicious Thai food at Sripraphai in Queens, though their "medium" hot is probably something I won't be opting for next time. I mean, it was still delicious; it just made my lips burn and every once in awhile I'd get a mouthful that would be kind of lethal. I also found out I'm a fan of palm seeds in syrup.
  
  
• Became a member of Paul's all-girl band, the Foolish Nuns.
  
  
• Walked around Lake Champlain in Burlington, gazing at the Adirondacks in the distance, and almost fell off the end of a floating pier. Not because I didn't watch where I was going, but because, damn, those things really bounce around. The view was worth it, though. The water was ridiculously blue that day.
  
  
• Met, in Boston, someone who went to UW Madison and lived in the same dorm I did, though not at the same time (he noticed I was wearing my old Chadbourne shirt) and was introduced to someone from Racine in Vermont (when he asked where I'd lived in Ktown, and I told him, he actually knew what I was talking about!)
  
  
• Watched a guy juggle flaming torches, on a unicycle, on a tightrope.
  

I can't wait until next time!

Roman candle lightning lights up the sky

I feel like I celebrated the 4th if July a week early this year. I was in Boston last week, walking the Freedom Trail, and saw all the patriotic sites. (Well, to be completely honest, 15/18 of the patriotic sites.) We saw Paul Revere's grave, the church tower where Newman placed his lanterns, John Hancock's coat, the balcony where the Declaration of Independence was read for the first time. Being a history geek, I had a great time despite humid weather in the upper 90s. Today, then, was a quieter Independence Day. Falling in the middle of the week, it didn't leave me with enough time to travel anywhere. Instead, I spent the day continuing to settle in. I walked over to the department of public works and actually used their lobby drop box for my payment (that's 41 cents you'll never see, USPS!) carried about fifty boxes and random items upstairs, and then went over to visit Anya and Mike's new apartment. I returned to the old apartment and cleaned for a couple of hours, took a walk around the old neighborhood, bought some watermelon, came home, and used my new power drill to install a tension bar on the back door. It was a success - the door no longer slams. Although I'd say while I'm good at power drilling, I could use some work on power screwing. (Insert your own joke here.) Around 10:00 p.m., I was drawn outside by the sounds of fireworks. Walking up a couple of blocks to the top of a hill, I discovered I could see no less than seven fireworks displays from nearby towns. It was a nice end to the day.

Coming along

There's a meaty vacation post still to come, I sense, but in the meantime I thought I'd give an update on the whole moving thing. I'm officially in the new place - the only things left at the apartment are my couch and the biggest portion of my dismantled desk. In fact, I'm typing from the dining room table right now! The photo is what I see when I look up. Things are, mmm, not quite unpacked yet. There's a distinct possibility that my 4th of July holiday will be spent not watching fireworks and eating hot dogs, but making 400 trips up and downstairs carrying stuff. I'm really eager to have everything put away, though. Painter for the living room arrives on Monday, and cable/internet/phone get hooked up Thursday. (I'm currently mooching WiFi off an unknown neighbor. Thanks, neighbor!) After that I have to decide if I'm going to try painting any other rooms myself, because I want to put things up on the walls if not. I think I lived at the apartment for about a year before I actually decorated my walls. I shall not make the same mistake here!